Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Randomize
