I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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