I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
