he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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