Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Holy sore nipples Batman
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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