I'll bet she douches with gravy.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
