Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
