what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
