youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
