Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
