Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
