Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
