That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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