i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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