this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Life without a bra equals bliss.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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