So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
