Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
