please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
