That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I understand Curling. That high.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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