Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
