You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize