just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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