Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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