New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
