I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
