I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
