he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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