Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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