I am spending my child support on dildos
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
