You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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