at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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