I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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