she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
