i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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