i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
