If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
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The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
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No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.