Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him