I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person