He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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