Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Dicks are not precious.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night