You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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