I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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