Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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