You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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