he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
