I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
