I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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