and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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