She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
