I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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