i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
