at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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