Betty ford says i'm here all night
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
