her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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