I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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