Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
