You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
