6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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