i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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