U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Randomize
