She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
