Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
