I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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