I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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