i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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