sarcasm needs its own font
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
