maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
