do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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