Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
